i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
