Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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