So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
People in love make me want to vomit
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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