So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
