carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
