I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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