I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
