Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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