I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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