The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
