you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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