Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
