Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
