how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
two words...techno handjob
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
