Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
