Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
