So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
