I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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