She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
