The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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