Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Congratulations! We have a period
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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