Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
