dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
