My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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