I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
