Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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