I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
