there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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