You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
