i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
