I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
