I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
