my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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