The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
