The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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