toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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