she looked like the before picture.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
