remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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