Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
