dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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