i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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