don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
