She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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