next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
