ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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