is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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