Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
