You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
