Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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