guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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