dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
