Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
