you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
