you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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