Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
