so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
