how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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