at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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