You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
