I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
