we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Someone shattered a urinal.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
