I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize