I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
