Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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