So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.