i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk