I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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