i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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